2024: some lessons

Featuring the ACTUAL meaning of life

Hey ppl, Happy New Year! My resolution: to post more on Substack. So gird your loins! Only slight issue is that both my phone and laptop took a tumble into the sea (or more accurately in the case of the latter, the sea took a tumble onto it - more on which later). Obviously I’m the absolute muggins who writes their diary on Word and doesn’t back up (which is why I’m about a million years behind on my newsletter) (that and the fact that I was CROSSING A BLOODY OCEAN) (no big deal) (it is a big deal).

Lenin said “there are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen” - and while I honestly do try my best not to go about quoting Lenin, I do sort of feel that way about this trip. From Greece to Albania to Montenegro to Italy to Sicily to Sardinia to Spain to the Canaries to Cape Verde, then across the Atlantic to Grenada, St Lucia, Martinique, Dominica, Guadeloupe, Antigua, Barbuda - and breathe! - we’ve squeezed ten YEARS’ worth of travel into six short months.

As you can imagine - there is MUCH to catch you up on - and a full Atlantic debrief will be winging its way to your inboxes soon. But while my laptop is having its dashboard scrubbed by a nice man in Richmond, I thought I’d impart some well-won wisdom from six months at sea.

Touching down in Grenada after two weeks at sea!

1. BACK UP YOUR STUFF!!!!! Seriously. Do it now. If you have an important document sitting on your desktop, immediately copy and paste it into Google Docs and thank me later. Also, do you have insurance? Take this as your sign to get it. Learn from my mistakes. Be better than me.

2. On a not unrelated note: take good care of your stuff. By which I mean: it is extremely idiotic to sit on the deck with your laptop open in the middle of the Atlantic as three metre waves crash over the hull. If you do this, you actually do deserve to be hit by one.

3. If in doubt, go to Greece! Ideally in September bc in July and August it’s hotter than the surface of the sun. IMO no European nation offers a better ratio of great beaches, charming little towns and reasonable prices. Plus! There’s moussaka. If you have a boat (get you!) - sail from Lefkada to Corfu and then to the delightful little islands of Erikousa and Mathraki. OR! Start in Athens, then hop over to Elafonisos, Monmevesia and Methoni. If you don’t have a boat (like have you maybe considered getting one?) - there are other means! Namely Greece’s famed ferry system - which comes with the added bonus of involving absolutely none of the faff of boat ownership. Which brings me seamlessly on to my next point.

4. Boat ownership is a FAFF! There is always something going wrong. If it’s not the plumbing, it’s the engine and if it’s not the engine, the autopilot will have gone bust and if it’s not the autopilot, the propeller will have actually just gone and fallen off (this happened to us a couple of weeks ago - and I promise to provide more details once I have dealt with the trauma of it all). But the faff - we have come to realise - is sort of (sort of) part of the fun. As Bridget Jones said: “happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals” - and what is unclogging the tanks if not that?

5. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. “It’s the Maldives of Europe,” they said: “the Balkans’ best kept secret!”. Having regrettably actually been to the Albanian Riviera, I’d be more inclined to liken it to Normandy during the D-Day landings. Always remember: photoshop might be able to remove all evidence of Pirates of the Caribbean themed party boats - but that does not mean they are not there.

6. And especially don’t believe everything you read about the Canary Islands. Prior to this trip, I thought I knew what these Spanish isles off the coast of Africa were about: waterparks and all-inclusive hotels and German tourists who lay their towels on deckchairs and then don’t use them. And sure, there’s definitely a bit of that. But there are also SPECTACULAR beaches (check out Graciosa - it feels like another planet) and - in the case of Gran Canaria - a capital city that feels like a mini Barcelona. Plus! The prices are actually reasonable (I nearly spat out my oat flat white when I got the €1.50 bill for it). If you’re in the market for some winter sun/a city break, you could do A LOT worse than Las Palmas.

   

   The tarmac-free island of Graciosa, just above Lanzarote

7. Sardinia > Sicily. Sure, Syracuse is charming and Taormina is terrific if you’re into €12 Aperol spritz and severed heads in ceramic form. But Sardinia! Sardinia is paradise. If you’re after secluded bays, white sand, turquoise water - and basically Caribbean levels of perfection - look no further. You might even spot a wild boar, ffs. The place is heaven.

8. Expensive lures catch fishermen, not fish: If Charlie were to rank his top five passions - it would go something like (5) Me (4) Commercial Real Estate (3) Sailing (2) Fishing and - indisputably in at number (1) - buying expensive lures on the internet. We could have bought another BOAT with the money he has spent on lures. AND YET! Practically every bluefin tuna, marlin, spearfish and mahi-mahi he has hauled onto the Turtle has been hooked on the pink fuzzy one he bought for £2.50 on AliExpress. Also - to add insult to injury - some of our companion boats caught fish using actual toothpaste tubes(!!) as lures during the Atlantic crossing. So while I’m not endorsing AliExpress (support small businesses, shop local etc) let this be a lesson that just because something is more expensive, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is better: much of the time you’re paying for packaging and snazzy marketing. (Unless it is eyelash serum, in which case: carry on).

9. I am capable of hard things! Is a mantra that our new sailing friend Vanessa (hi Vanessa!) told me she repeats to herself during sticky moments at sea - and I found it v useful as I sat alone on the deck in the dark during the big crossing. Sometimes - when I’m finding something tough (a night watch, a spin class, a conversation with Chazzle about why I spent £97 on eyelash serum) it helps to remember that it’s SUPPOSED to be hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it. It’s the very fact that it’s hard that makes it worth doing. Then again, I also think it is extremely helpful to remember that:

10. The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves. Or so said the great philosopher Alan Watts. Or at least, that’s what I read on Instagram. God. I’m sorry. Yes, I did just copy and paste an inspirational quote I read on the Meta-owned picture-sharing app. But come on, it is a good one. The purpose of life is to BE ALIVE, ffs. Ie: you’ll be dead soon so just enjoy your life and say yes to the things that you do want to do and no to the stuff you don’t and have fun and jump in the sea naked and drink pina coladas and stop worrying about everything so much. Also maybe get off Instagram. Oh and don’t forget to back up your stuff!!!